Say Cheese!

“I‘m not attractive enough for him to get it up anymore.” “He should be able to get turned on just by looking at me.” “He used to get rock hard in a heart beat; now he has to take a pill and I don’t like it. Taking medicine seems fake. I would rather not have sex at all.” I have heard it all over and over, but my response remains the same: “Wrong!” Here’s the scoop on erections: First of all, understand that the penis gets hard because more blood flows there during arousal. Dogs and walruses have bones in their penises, but men are designed a little differently and depend on healthy blood flow. That’s also why smoking eventually can kill erections since it causes the arteries in the body to harden. In fact, erectile problems are sometimes a warning sign that a man has heart or circulation problems and he should see his doctor. Men who take blood pressure medicine also sometimes can’t get it up anymore, since less blood is flowing to the penis. Instead of stopping their medicine, these men should talk to their health care provider, who can prescribe a different medication. Guys need sexual stimulation to get hard, but the type and amount they need changes over time.

Around age 15, all they need is a thought. As a man ages, he can no longer rely only on sexy thoughts, but he will need more and more direct physical stimulation of his penis. I always stress this fact to my clients who still believe they should be able to perform like teenagers. Women, you need to know that it’s normal for an aging partner to need more stimulation and it’s not related to how attractive you are! Stimulation varies while you have sex, so it’s also normal for a man’s penis to get softer at times, say if he’s been only kissing for some time. He usually can get hard quite quickly once his penis is touched again. And yes, it’s considered normal if a man periodically can’t get hard. Perhaps he’s not in the mood that day.

Or he is too tired. Or he suddenly got nervous. Or he had too much to drink. Or he is with a partner where things just don’t work out. Only if he continues to have problems getting it up might that mean he has a problem that needs attention. Some men get so nervous about being able to “perform” that they either cannot get an erection or they lose it too quickly. There is a simple explanation: When a man is stressed or anxious the blood supply to his penis (and digestion, by the way) shuts down. I have seen countless men with performance anxiety that struggle with erections and don’t have fun during sex. Reassure them, ladies! Relaxation is the key.