Monday, August 31, 2009
The International Rules of Manhood!
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. But is ok with a TGirl.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.(c) After wrecking your boss's car.(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into 'The CryingGame'. (best part yum) (e) When she is using her teeth. (ugh)
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. (not if they are taking my pic)
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. (I love gifts)
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. (red panties are allowed)
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. (Nikkij Loves to pull the chain)
16: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. (Nikkij Loves sports)
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. (Phone sex is wonderful)
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reasonfor you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs. (booty calls)
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox. End of story. (Panties will do for me)
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
A Few Thoughts To Please Your Booty Call ...
1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick, don't grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a damn cow. Don't use the love sword as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshiped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down.
2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick, don't just get on the end of the thing and jam your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument; it should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible angle.
3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to show your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that he's done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants.
4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh! If your creative man gets carried away and says things like, "Ride my hard cock, you filthy cock-sucking slut," or "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white hot love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak whole sentences.
5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases -- but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness.
6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all-important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it.
7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle. No matter what he says, he does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you re a one-night stand, you should leave the premises without thieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done. Just get the fuck out.
8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love it. If you don't like it that much, still offer it, as you can quite easily play with yourself as he rams away.
9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag drippage if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything.
10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying, "Are you going to come soon?" If you're doing a blowie, you'd have to take your mouth off to utter the question. If you're giving a handjob, you should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If he's shagging you and takes more than ten minutes, you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually aware and gifted human beings.
11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you're the best lover he has ever had. Most men have had so many sexual partners that it is unlikely that *you* are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an important thing.
12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something! Good sex is not a spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it, but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation.
13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at a time, don't sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If he's a real man, he's probably shagging her, anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy.
14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It makes your pussy look like a piece of poultry past it's sell-by date. At best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favored by the Playboy models that your man would rather be shagging.
15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savoring the taste and gluey texture. You should play with semen like a piece of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like "I love it when you come in my mouth," makes for a happy finale to fun and games.
16. INGRATITUDE: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended on making love to you -- especially if: a) sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or b) you managed to achieve an orgasm. A man's role in sex is far more demanding than a woman's so it is always nice when one's prowess is appreciated.
17. SEEKING FAVORS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's warm after-sex glow to seek favors or make requests. As he drops off into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask: "Do you think I should buy that dress/skirt/sofa/Mercedes/country cottage?"
Today's Word "Autocrat"
Autocrat \AW-tuh-krat\ (noun) - An absolute monarch who rules with unlimited authority; by extension, any person with undisputed authority in a relationship or situation. "I wound up by telling him he was an autocrat; which disturbed his graven serenity. Autocrat and autocracy were not pleasant- sounding words just then." -- James B. Connolly, 'The U-Boat Hunters' Autocrat is from Greek autokrates, "ruling by oneself," from auto-, "self" + -krates, "ruling," from kratos, "strength, power, rule, dominion."
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Thoughts While Having Your Clitty Licked!
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you haven't tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you've figured out how to make ends meet, the ends move.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
26. Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
27. All Men enjoy bulges in panties.
ATTRACTION.. ... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT..... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
DATING..... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL..... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.
EYE CONTACT..... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND..... a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE. .... a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".
INTERESTING. .... a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT..... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY.. ... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC. .... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
SOBER..... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
Sometimes it Pays to Listen to the Suits!
1. The next time you order checks have only your initials (instead of first name) and last name put on them. If someone takes your checkbook, they will not know if you sign your checks with just your initials or your first name, but your bank will know how you sign your checks.
2. Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put "PHOTO ID REQUIRED."
3. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the "For" line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check-processing channels will not have access to it.
4. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a PO Box, use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your SS# printed on your checks, (DUH!). You can add it if it is necessary. However, if you have it printed, anyone can get it.
5. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place. Also carry a photocopy of your passport when traveling either here or abroad. We have all heard horror stories about fraud that is committed on us in stealing a name, address, Social Security number, credit cards.
6. When you check out of a hotel that uses cards for keys (and they all seem to do that now), do not turn the "keys" in. Take them with you and destroy them. Those little cards have on them all of the information you gave the hotel, including address and credit card numbers and expiration dates. Someone with a card reader, or employee of the hotel, can access all that information with no problem whatsoever.
Unfortunately, as an attorney friend, has first hand knowledge because her wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer and received a PIN number from DMV to change her driving record information online.
Here is some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know:
1. We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. The key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them.
2. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one). However, here is what is perhaps most important of all (I never even thought to do this.)
3. Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and Social Security number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit. By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases,none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks.Now, here are the numbers you always need to contact about your wallet and contents being stolen:1.) Equifax: 1-800-525-62852.) Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-37423.) TransUnion: 1-800-680-72894.) Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271
We pass along jokes on the Internet; we pass along just about everything.
Three... Just Three
What are three mistakes someone could make on the first date with you that would automatically make you turn down a second date with them?
Rule -- Never Leave A Great Party for Another Party That Could Be A Potential Bummer
It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments. She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea.... He turned to the crowd of guests and said, "Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood. Then he asked " Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?" about twenty five people stood up. He frowned and said, "Alright everybody standing get the hell out, This is a birthday party".
Overheard At The Bar
A man was in a bar drunk and sobbing. His friend asked, “Why? What’s the trouble?” He said, “My wife makes me pay $25 for a fuck!” The friend replied, “You’re fuck’n lucky, bitch charges all the rest of us $100.”
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thoughts While Shaving!
Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.
Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.
Using random magazines as a sex bible. I don’t know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.
Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.
Not shaving your legs. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor. Ask a tgirl about shaving her legs sometime!
Allowing your crotch to resemble the Amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. That’s fine. If you like bush then great! If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that bush if you want him to spend any time down there.
Just The Facts!
Looking For Something to Wear
To the delight of comfort-craving types, the high-fashion aesthetic that gave us harem pants, boyfriend jeans, slouchy blazers and floaty, forgiving dresses isn’t disappearing anytime soon. Piling on too many oversized pieces at once, however, is a sure-fire way to go from stylish to shlumpy.
A couple hints for keeping it chic:
Make sure one component of your outfit – skirt, pants, dress or top – showcases your figure. So if you’re opting for loose, boyfriend-fit jeans, try a tailored blouse or a slim-fitting tee on top. - Balance a curve-hugging pencil skirt with a billowy blouse. Going all out with a body-conscious bandage dress? Finish the look with a large, roomy satchel.
To Please a Man!
Facts about the Penis
Over 90% of all men have a penis size that is between 6.25 and 7.2 inches when fully erect. Most would not consider this a big penis.
You can enlarge your penis quicker by using natural penis enlargement pills and a natural penis enlargement exercise at home. Over 32 million men in the USA alone suffer from various degrees of Erectile Dysfunction (Impotence). Most men when asked "how would you increase the size of your penis", they would enlarge their penis naturally...using natural penis enlargement products.
In a penis size survey, the average penis size was 6.5 inches.
In a poll conducted by Durex™ Condoms, 67% of women said that they were unsatisfied with the size of their partner's penis size .
Most men (85%-average) ejaculate within 3 minutes of penetrating their partner, and some 85% of women report almost never having orgasms during intercourse. This is known as premature ejaculation.
By age 27, 97% of men have 1/5 the number of erections they did when they were 20.
Some 98% of men have a penis that is considerably weaker, smaller and less developed than what they could possess. Penis Exercises can help.
Studies say that at least 1 in 5 relationship failures is due to sexual dysfunction or impotence sexual dysfunction. Penis exercises can help impotence treatment, and can cure or treat impotence.
By age 50, the average man will have lost half an inch from the length of his penis. You can increase penis length by natural penis enlargement methods.
Nearly 90% of men would increase the size of their penis if they could do so affordably and safely.
Over 75% of men have poor or restricted blood flow to their penis and testicles. Circulation has a direct impact on sexual performance and sex-drive.
Very Interesting!
If You ...
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
In short:So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderfulS
o confusing, yet so desirable... ...
Practice, Practice, Practice
Believe it or not, many women have ability to ejaculate, but because ignorant men who accused them of doing so have belittled them either feel like they are about to urinate or them, they hold back. It is possible; however, that some women may lose control of their bladders due to extreme sexual stimulation, but ejaculate is something totally different from urine. Actual chemical analysis of the whitish fluid proves that it is quite similar to the fluid produced by the male prostate. What is female ejaculation? Female ejaculation is the expulsion of fluid from or around the urethra. Again, the fluid is not urine and is usually followed by an extremely powerful orgasm (yes, even more powerful than ours).
How do I get her to ejaculate? Constant stimulation of her G-spot will usually help her to achieve this amazing feat. As well, she has to feel comfortable and trust you enough to let loose and give in with complete abandon. Because many women often experience the urge to ejaculate, but hold back because they fear that urine will come gushing out, you'll have to encourage her to go with the sensation. The majority of women experience a release of fluid from the Skene's glands during ejaculation. These glands are made from specialized tissue that surround the urethra. The amount of fluid that is released during ejaculation will vary from woman to woman, which explains why some women seem to gush while others only blush. Again, please keep in mind that not all women have the ability to ejaculate. Even when it comes to women who do have this gift, it's not something that takes place every time they experience orgasm.
Four Tips for Getting Rid of Clutter the Eco-Friendly Way
If you want to get rid of clutter in your home, you don't have to just throw everything away. There are many creative ways you can de-clutter your home and still be green.
#1 - Make some money The most satisfying, green way to get rid of stuff is to make some green.High-end clothes can go to consignment.Collectibles do well on e-bay. Toys, children’s clothing, and knick knacks are yard sale best sellers. For large numbers of antiques, china, silver, or porcelain, try an auction warehouse.
#2 - Have a place in your home Designate the corner of a closet or your laundry room for housing discards to donate. Try to do this every other month. Keep a hamper or garbage can in your designated spot and whenever you see an item cluttering your home that you or your family members 1) don't use, 2) don't love, or 3) have outgrown, put it in the hamper. At the end of each month, bag the items and take them to a donation center, or call to have them picked up. The Veterans and Big Brother Big Sister will pick up clothing and small household items at your home.
#3 - Have a swap party My friends and I have a seasonal purge party. We all bring items we no longer need or use: clothes, jewelry, purses, home décor, small furniture, magazines, etc. It goes into a pile in the middle of the room and we all dive in! It is a fun way of getting rid of things, getting a few new things, and catching up with friends. At the end of it, we bag all the items we don’t want and donate them to a women’s shelter. This also works well with a group of moms and the clothing and toys your children have outgrown.
#4 - Re-use your own stuff Reusing common house hold items for new organizational ways can really save you money. Try thinking outside the box as to the way you use common items. For example, empty gift baskets make great mail bins, in-boxes, planters, magazine bins, small toy organizers and more. Walk around your house and really look at your stuff. Can any of it be used for a different purpose? A bookshelf hung on the wall instead of on the floor, a TV cabinet for a night-stand, a shoebox to divide different kinds of socks in a drawer? Try to think creatively and objectively. P.S: a good way to meet men too!
YOU Need To Know This!
To get the best deal on a loan, you need some new strategies to bump up your score - and keep it there.
Borrowing money today requires impressing an increasingly hard-to-please crowd. With creditors of all kinds more cautious than ever, you need an A+ application to land the best terms -- and that means an A+ credit score, the number lenders use to judge your risk of default.
The most commonly used credit scoring system, called FICO, rates people from a very risky 300 to a pristine 850. And right now we're in the middle of a credit score crunch: "You need a 750 or better today to have the same treatment you got with a 700 two years ago," says John Ulzheimer, president of consumer education at Credit.com.
John D'Onofrio, CEO of Autoloandaily.com, seconds that: "Two years ago a 680 was enough to get a great car loan rate. Today it's often the minimum to qualify at all."
Think you're still in the clear? Don't be so sure. Lenders have been making changes that could cause your score to slip from excellent to average. I
Borrowing money today requires impressing an increasingly hard-to-please crowd. With creditors of all kinds more cautious than ever, you need an A+ application to land the best terms -- and that means an A+ credit score, the number lenders use to judge your risk of default.
The most commonly used credit scoring system, called FICO, rates people from a very risky 300 to a pristine 850. And right now we're in the middle of a credit score crunch: "You need a 750 or better today to have the same treatment you got with a 700 two years ago," says John Ulzheimer, president of consumer education at Credit.com.
John D'Onofrio, CEO of Autoloandaily.com, seconds that: "Two years ago a 680 was enough to get a great car loan rate. Today it's often the minimum to qualify at all."
Think you're still in the clear? Don't be so sure. Lenders have been making changes that could cause your score to slip from excellent to average. I
mprove and protect your number with these strategies:
Learn Your Score. You have three FICO scores, based on your credit reports at the three credit bureaus: Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion. The numbers tend to be in the same ballpark, so pony up $16 to get one representative score at myfico.com. You can get an estimate free at
Scout for Mistakes. Your scores are only as good as the information they're based on. And a third of people who've pulled their reports have found errors, according to a Zogby poll. That's good reason to read your report.
When you buy your FICO score, you'll get a copy of the report it was based on. Get gratis histories from the other bureaus via
Spot an error? Request a correction, following the instructions on the bureau's website. Let's say the size of a credit line was misstated or an account was mistakenly marked delinquent. Getting the error fixed could raise your score as much as 200 points, says Ulzheimer, who has also worked for Equifax and FICO.
Never, Ever Be Late. As you'll see in the pie chart on the right, the biggest chunk of your credit score comes from your payment history. Just one late payment can shave 100 points off a 750-plus credit score, says Ulzheimer. Lenders can't tattle on you to the bureaus until you're 30 days past due, adds credit expert Gerri Detweiler. But don't risk it. For all your bills, enter recurring due-date reminders on your computer calendar.
Missed a payment? Get back on track within the next 30 days, and you should "get back the lion's share" of points lost, Ulzheim
er says. More than 90 days late? The damage can stick for years. If it was a one-off lapse, call your issuer and plea for a good-will adjustment to your credit report. (It's a long shot.) Remember the Magic 20%. The second-biggest factor in your score is how much you owe vs. how much credit has been extended to you. The part of this that's easiest to finesse is your credit card utilization rate, or your total card balances compared with your total credit limits, as well as each card's balance relative to its limit.
Example: If you've charged $5,000 on cards and have $50,000 in credit, your rate is 10%. For the best score today, 10% is ideal, but you can probably creep up to 20% and keep a high rating.
Unfortunately, with banks lowering credit limits and canceling unused cards, it's harder to maintain such a low percentage. In the previous example, if your available credit is cut to $20,000, your rate shoots to 25%. That could sink your score by as much as 50 points, says Ulzheimer. The lesson: Know your limits, watch for changes, and stay under 20% on each card and in total (0% if you'll be applying for a loan soon).
Already above 20%? Paying down debt is the obvious way to lower your utilization rate, but another strategy is to apply for an additional credit card to increase your overall credit limit. That may cause you to lose a few points in the short term -- so don't do it if you're about to apply for a mortgage -- but it should pay off in the long run.
Keep Oldest Cards in Play. As noted, credit issuers these days are eagerly canceling cards that are not in use. Besides reducing your limit and increasing your utilization ratio, having an account closed can hurt you in another way, especially if it's among your older ones.
See, 15% of your score rides on the length of your credit history. The longer you ably manage revolving debt, the better you look. So don't cancel your oldest cards. And don't let them get canceled on you: Move a recurring charge to each so they stay active.
Already ditched or been ditched? A new card (see previous) can help with your utilization rate, but there's little you can do to help the "history" component of your score, except to keep other old accounts in use.
Accept Fate on the Rest. There are other factors involved in your score, but they're not so easy to manipulate. For example, 10% is based on how well you manage a mix of credit types, such as mortgages, car loans, and credit cards. But you don't want to go out and, say, finance a car just for a score boost; besides, you can easily get 750-plus with just a few well-tended credit cards.
Along the same lines, 10% is based on "new credit," but the effects of a new application can be positive or negative, depending on your history.
In other words, if you want to be among the crème de la credit crème, accept what you can't change, and focus on what you can.
Copyrighted, CNNMoney. All Rights Reserved.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Today's Word "Vitiate"
Vitiate \VISH-ee-ayt\ (transitive verb) - 1 : To make faulty or imperfect; to render defective; to impair; as, "exaggeration vitiates a style of writing." 2 : To corrupt morally; to debase. 3 : To render ineffective; as, "fraud vitiates a contract."
"...When such ideas are brought before out minds, it is natural to be so affected; because all other feelings are false and spurious, and tend to corrupt our minds, to vitiate our primary morals, to render us unfit for rational liberty; and, by teaching us a servile, licentious, and abandoned insolence, to be our low sport for a few holidays, to make us perfectly fit for, and justly deserving of slavery, through the whole course of our lives." -- Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
Vitiate comes from Latin vitiare, from vitium, fault. It is related to vice (a moral failing or fault), which comes from vitium via French.
Sarah Chalke -- Somewhat Prettier Than LBJ -- Also Born This Day
Race or Ethnicity: White
Sexual orientation: Straight Occupation: Actor
Nationality: Canada
Nationality: Canada
Executive summary: Dr. Reid on Scrubs
Sarah Chalke was the second actress to play Becky on Roseanne, replacing Lecy Goranson in the show's sixth
season. In a strange casting quirk, Goranson returned to the role of Becky for Roseanne's eighth season, but shared the part, with Chalke and Goranson each playing Becky in alternating episodes. Goranson left again at the start of the show's final season, leaving Chalke as Becky until the end. For quick-reference Roseanne purposes, Chalke is usually referred to as "the fake Becky".
Sarah Chalke was the second actress to play Becky on Roseanne, replacing Lecy Goranson in the show's sixth
season. In a strange casting quirk, Goranson returned to the role of Becky for Roseanne's eighth season, but shared the part, with Chalke and Goranson each playing Becky in alternating episodes. Goranson left again at the start of the show's final season, leaving Chalke as Becky until the end. For quick-reference Roseanne purposes, Chalke is usually referred to as "the fake Becky". She later played the cowgirl Gloria on the Canadian drama Nothing Too Good for a Cowboy, and came to moderate fame playing the neurotic Dr Elliot Reid on the long-running American hospital sitcom Scrubs. 
Sarah Chalke grew up in Vancouver, Canada, and began appearing in local stage productions at the age of eight. While she was in junior high school, she reported environmental news for the Canadian series, KidZone, and she was still in high school when she started on Roseanne.
Her first film role was a brief bit in Jim Varney's ninth outing as Ernest P. Worrell, Ernest Goes to School.
Father: Doug Chalke (lawyer)
Mother: Angie (adoption agency manager)
Sister: Piper
Sister: Natasha
Boyfriend: Jamie Afifi (media attorney, together since 2003)
High School: (graduated 1994)
German Ancestry
High School: (graduated 1994)
German Ancestry
It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie (29-Nov-2002) Herself
Born This Day
Classic Quotes by Lyndon Baines Johnson (1908-1973) US President (36), Vice President (37)
A man can take a little bourbon without getting drunk, but if you hold his mouth open and pour in a quart, he's going to get sick on it.
A man without a vote is man without protection.
A President's hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right.
A rioter with a Molotov cocktail in his hands is not fighting for civil rights any more than a Klansman... They are both... lawbreakers, destroyers of constitutional rights and liberties and ultimately destroyers of a free America.
All that Hubert needs over there is a gal to answer the phone and a pencil with an eraser on it.
Any jackass can kick down a barn but it takes a good carpenter to build one.
Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but to stand there and take it.
Curtis Le May wants to bomb Hanoi and Haiphong. You know how he likes to go around bombing.
Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.
Education is not a problem. Education is an opportunity.
Education is not a problem. Education is an opportunity.
I Am Stubborn
You resist what people are trying to teach you. You tend to think you know best, even though you probably have a lot still to learn. Intellectual pride can be your undoing, so listen and reflect first.
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