In Search of the 'Pearl'

Let’s face it, when it comes to going down on women, it’s like a treasure hunt with a wonderful reward. Sexperts have found that less than one-third of women orgasm by penetration. That makes sense when the clitoris’ pure purpose is pleasure; just a bundle of 8,000 nerves waiting to be seduced—truly a jewel. To be sure, not everyone likes treasure hunts, or jewels, so before setting out on the exploration, it is wise to check in with your partner. But, if you’re up for the adventure, continue on in search of the treasure.

The Pleasure of Cunnilingus The fear people have about providing lip service, muff diving, going down, giving face (just a few of the slang terms for cunnilingus) is a social taboo, either legal or religious. Some people like the adventure of doing something that isn’t expected of them to do, while others don’t savor such adventure. Currently, there are 12 states that still have active sodomy or sexual misconduct laws. In most states these laws aren’t actively enforced, but a signal was sent by the U.S. Supreme Court in 2003 when it struck down Texas’ sodomy laws as unconstitutional. These laws infringe upon consenting adults’ privacy. Over the years, legal and religious control over sexual social behavior has declined as access to sexual education has opened the landscape for pleasure. Is it Really Sex? The other fear people have about going down is that’s its not “real” sex and therefore in some way relates to their masculinity, femininity, or sexual orientation. For some people, oral sex is “just foreplay” and only intercourse counts as real sex. Here at Good Vibrations, we believe that there’s nothing wrong with oral sex leading up to intercourse and there’s also nothing wrong with oral sex on its own. It’s simply another form of sexual expression and pleasure.

Many people find that spending an evening focusing on feeling good and sexual pleasure, rather than a particular type of sex, can take a lot of the pressure off. If you’ve never tried it, you might want to give it a shot and see how it feels. The Tools Any good explorer knows the tools that are needed for a journey. That doesn’t necessarily mean that what is on hand will work for each excursion.

Depending upon your partner, there are numerous ways to coax the pearl out of hiding. The required tools are simply a good tongue, fingers, and sometimes even a nose. Teeth should rarely be used unless gently and with your partner’s consent. With all of its nerve endings, the clitoris tends to be quite sensitive. Of course, clear communication, either by direct and/or verbal and physical cues from your partner, should be a good indication of when something is being done right or isn’t working.

The Map Clitorises, like penises, vary in size and shape. Some protrude from beneath the clitoral hood and can be as large as the first knuckle on your thumb, while others are barely visible even when aroused. Not only do clitorises vary in shape and size, but so do the lips of the vulva. Much like people in general, vulvas don’t look the same. Good examples of the various maps of the vulva can be found in Femalia or The Cunt Coloring Book. The “pearl” of women’s pleasure is buried beneath the clitoral hood, folded under the inner and outer labia of the vulva. The clitoris rests beneath the mons, within these folds of flesh. While the tip of the clitoris is what people generally envision about this jewel, there is more beyond the tip. The clitoris actually has legs (the crura) that stretch beneath the surface, around the urethra, and end just inside of the vagina where the famed G-spot resides. This provides many opportunities for arousing exploration.

Seducing the Jewel Like any treasure hunt, a little preparation goes a long way. Providing a comfortable atmosphere and finding the right position for relaxation will make the exploration pleasurable. Some women find that a pillow under their hips makes oral sex easier and you may find that it keeps your neck from getting crunched. Other possibilities include having her at the edge of the bed while you kneel on the floor (on a pillow!) or sit in a chair, lying on your back while she straddles your face and having her bend over while you lick from behind. There are lots of options, so you can find all sorts of ways to have fun. The Wedge and Ramp pillows can make many different positions easy and fun. Even if you know where the clitoris is, it’s often best to approach it with care and sensitivity. Often, diving in doesn’t do the trick. Instead, start off by working your way down with your lips and tongue; caressing, massaging, and kissing along the way. Once in the area, gently massage the mons with your hands or lips teasing as you move towards the inner thighs, repeating your massaging and kissing techniques and adding a little nibbling; if your partner likes it.

Listen to signals that your partner is ready for you to begin exploring the outer labia, but still don’t go directly to the clitoris. Instead, gently pull back the outer lips and run the tip of your tongue along her inner labia using your saliva to assist with lubrication. Some women like the feeling of being blown on, and it increases their arousal. If your partner is sensitive, she may or may not like this. You partner might enjoy penetration while being aroused as well.

This might be a good “come hither” way of seduction, especially by inserting your finger inside her vagina, in search of her G-spot. To find it, insert your finger and curl it (in a “come hither” motion) and feel for a firmer area of tissue. Pay attention to her responses, both verbal and non-verbal. Continue kissing, licking, and sucking on her inner lips. Erogenous tissues reside just beneath the surface, as well as in the legs of the clitoris, increasing not only her arousal, but her natural lubricating fluids. The clit needs continuous lubrication, so the more your partner is aroused, the more natural fluids (along with your own saliva) will provide comfort and pleasure. Work your way slowly towards her pearl, but still don’t go directly to the clit. Rather, circle around it with your tongue to coax the pearl out of hiding. Continue by alternating between the use of your tongue and lips. Different states of your tongue provide different sensations. A tense stiff tongue provides a firm flicking motion that is good for teasing, but a flat limp tongue is best for sucking. Both styles of the tongue are good at different stages of arousal.

Once you are ready to begin to directly stimulate the clitoris, swirl your tongue gently around the clitoral hood, stimulating the clitoris to bring it out of its secret place. You can also move your face in circular motions while holding your lips and tongue still. It can take a while for many women to climax, so pace yourself. At this point, you may find that keeping your tongue relaxed while sucking works well. As she gets closer to climaxing, she may tense up or press her vulva towards you, since some women want firm pressure as they approach orgasm. Whatever you do, if you are on the spot, don’t stop your motions…continue until she climaxes. Nothing is more frustrating than being near orgasm, and then suddenly being interrupted by motion away from the spot. When this happens, get back to the spot as quickly as possible, otherwise you will find yourself in a cycle of starting all over again—and it can lead to over-stimulation (the clit is very sensitive) or your own tongue fatigue.

If for some reason your partner doesn’t climax, don’t think that the journey was a failure. While clitoral stimulation does lead to orgasms for many women, just like everything else, orgasms can be affected by many other factors. Seducing the jewel is a journey that’s a pleasure to take, and she will always adore you for it.