Friday, July 3, 2009
Airplane Sex Guide
For your own safety, comfort, and that of your fellow passengers and crew, please observe the following regulations when engaging in in-flight sex.
Sex while Seated -- Regulations require that you keep your seatbelts fastened at all times when seated. Therefore, only oral and manual sex are permitted in the main cabin. If you desire privacy, you may request a blanket to conceal your activities.
Autofellatio -- This option is always available to our passengers who prefer to self-suck. To avoid head injuries, make sure your tray table is secured in its upright and locked position.
Hand Job -- To initiate a hand job, open the fly of the passenger seated immediately next to you, freeing his penis. Grasping the shaft firmly, use a brisk up-and-down motion until climax is achieved. Flight attendants may provide moist towelettes for cleanup. Hot towels are available to our first-class passengers.
Blow Job -- To initiate a blow job, open the fly of the passenger seated immediately next to you, freeing his penis. Rotate your torso 90 degrees and flex at the waist until your mouth contacts the recipient's hard on. Move head up and down as indicated. Passengers who are unable or prefer not to swallow may use the paper receptacle bags located in the forward seat pocket. After use, give the bag to a flight attendant for disposal.
Sex in the Lavatories-- For the comfort and consideration of all passengers, we request that couples limit their sessions to 15 minutes or less, whether or not climax is achieved. Please engage the "Having Sex" sign on the lavatory door so that you will not be disturbed.